NINTH DOCTOR
"I told you not to drink so much Sherry."
Santa ignored the Doctor and downed another glass of Sherry.
"Stop that!" The Doctor grabbed the glass. "You've had more than enough already!"
"Ho ho ho! Did I ever tell you about the time I married Mrs Claus? That wedding was a night to remember!"
"Yes. I was at the wedding." The Doctor leant against the sleigh.
"Oh yes! You were indeed! You had a different face then! All teeth and curls! I remember that elf lass wouldn't let you go! I thought we were going to have a double wedding!" Santa laughed a great "HO HO HO!" and then passed out.
"Oh fantastic!" said the Doctor sarcastically. "What am I supposed to do now?! Oh I wish Rose was here."
The Doctor had dropped Rose off for a dinner with her Mother. The Doctor meanwhile had travelled back in time for some catching up with his old friend Santa. Which led the Doctor to his current predicament. The Doctor looked at the snoring Santa and came to one conclusion.
"I guess I'm going to have to deliver the presents this year."
The Doctor dragged the unconscious Santa into the sleigh and grabbed the reigns.
"Go!"
The Reindeers didn't move.
"Up up and away!"
No movement.
The Doctor thought for some time. And then got it.
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! And of course Rudolph! Away!"
The Sleigh charged off and the Doctor was thrown back in his seat. The sleigh rocketed through the sky. The Doctor pulled at the reins feebly.
"How am I supposed to land this thing?!"
Santa stirred a little.
"The mmfjrjfgh... the Reindeer know what to do..." And then he returned to snoring.
The Doctor rolled his eyes.
The Reindeer flew down and landed softly on a roof. The Doctor picked up the sack and clambered off. He crept over to the chimney, climbed up and lowered himself down. And then he fell. He fell all the way down.
"I didn't think this through!" He shouted to nobody in particular. The Doctor landed, very harshly, in the unlit fireplace. He rolled out and made his way over to the tree. The Doctor opened the sack. But before he could think about which present was which, several boxes flew out of the sack and settled under the tree.
"I guess that solves that then."
After much huffing and puffing, the Doctor finally made his way back to the top. He clambered in the sleigh and the reindeer took off, to settle at the next house. The Doctor took one look at the chimney.
"I'm not doing that again."
The Doctor slid down the drainpipe, approached the front door and pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver.
"Are you Santa?"
The Doctor turned, his mouth full of cookies.
"No. It's his day off."
The little boy frowned.
"Santa's day off is Christmas Eve?"
"Just for this year. I'm the replacement."
"So you're one of his elves? You don't look like one."
"Have you never seen Lord of the Rings?" The Doctor flicked his ears. "Elves have big ears!"
The boy looked confused.
"Oh wait... 1998, several years too early. You're going to love it."
The Doctor then slipped out of the door, leaving the young boy stood there very baffled.
The Doctor leaned back in the sleigh. Once you got used to it... it wasn't so bad. And then the plane was there. One second it wasn't and then it was. The reindeer screeched and swerved desperately to avoid it. The Doctor clutched the sleigh desperately to try and stay on. And then the Doctor noticed that Santa was slipping. The Doctor grabbed Santa's coat in an attempt to keep him on board. But Santa kept slipping. The Doctor quickly grabbed another handhold... and realised he was clutching Santa's red love heart underwear. The Doctor pulled and Santa slid back into his seat.
"Great. I just gave Santa a wedgie."
The Doctor turned and looked at Santa. Then a bug flew into the Doctor's mouth. The Doctor coughed and spluttered. Santa stirred and woke up.
"Oh that wakes you up." The Doctor wheezed.
Santa looked around.
"All sobered up are we?" asked the Doctor.
"Well I wouldn't get around the entire world in one night if I didn't! Ho ho ho!"
Santa took the reins. The Doctor looked down as they landed.
"With all due respect, I'd like to do this one..." he said.
The Doctor crept through the door and slid up to the tree. He opened the sack and a large parcel flew out, settling under the tree. A bicycle. The Doctor walked out but the paused. He opened the bedroom door and walked up to the little blonde girl lying in bed. He kissed her head.
"Merry Christmas Rose."
"So... same time next year?" Santa laughed heartily.
The Doctor jumped off the sleigh and crunched over the snow to the TARDIS.
"If it's all the same to you... I'll give it a miss."
Santa laughed and shook the reins, taking off into the night. The Doctor smiled and opened the TARDIS doors. It was time to pick up Rose and hopefully Jackie would be in a good mood and wouldn't slap him this time...
Santa ignored the Doctor and downed another glass of Sherry.
"Stop that!" The Doctor grabbed the glass. "You've had more than enough already!"
"Ho ho ho! Did I ever tell you about the time I married Mrs Claus? That wedding was a night to remember!"
"Yes. I was at the wedding." The Doctor leant against the sleigh.
"Oh yes! You were indeed! You had a different face then! All teeth and curls! I remember that elf lass wouldn't let you go! I thought we were going to have a double wedding!" Santa laughed a great "HO HO HO!" and then passed out.
"Oh fantastic!" said the Doctor sarcastically. "What am I supposed to do now?! Oh I wish Rose was here."
The Doctor had dropped Rose off for a dinner with her Mother. The Doctor meanwhile had travelled back in time for some catching up with his old friend Santa. Which led the Doctor to his current predicament. The Doctor looked at the snoring Santa and came to one conclusion.
"I guess I'm going to have to deliver the presents this year."
The Doctor dragged the unconscious Santa into the sleigh and grabbed the reigns.
"Go!"
The Reindeers didn't move.
"Up up and away!"
No movement.
The Doctor thought for some time. And then got it.
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! And of course Rudolph! Away!"
The Sleigh charged off and the Doctor was thrown back in his seat. The sleigh rocketed through the sky. The Doctor pulled at the reins feebly.
"How am I supposed to land this thing?!"
Santa stirred a little.
"The mmfjrjfgh... the Reindeer know what to do..." And then he returned to snoring.
The Doctor rolled his eyes.
The Reindeer flew down and landed softly on a roof. The Doctor picked up the sack and clambered off. He crept over to the chimney, climbed up and lowered himself down. And then he fell. He fell all the way down.
"I didn't think this through!" He shouted to nobody in particular. The Doctor landed, very harshly, in the unlit fireplace. He rolled out and made his way over to the tree. The Doctor opened the sack. But before he could think about which present was which, several boxes flew out of the sack and settled under the tree.
"I guess that solves that then."
After much huffing and puffing, the Doctor finally made his way back to the top. He clambered in the sleigh and the reindeer took off, to settle at the next house. The Doctor took one look at the chimney.
"I'm not doing that again."
The Doctor slid down the drainpipe, approached the front door and pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver.
"Are you Santa?"
The Doctor turned, his mouth full of cookies.
"No. It's his day off."
The little boy frowned.
"Santa's day off is Christmas Eve?"
"Just for this year. I'm the replacement."
"So you're one of his elves? You don't look like one."
"Have you never seen Lord of the Rings?" The Doctor flicked his ears. "Elves have big ears!"
The boy looked confused.
"Oh wait... 1998, several years too early. You're going to love it."
The Doctor then slipped out of the door, leaving the young boy stood there very baffled.
The Doctor leaned back in the sleigh. Once you got used to it... it wasn't so bad. And then the plane was there. One second it wasn't and then it was. The reindeer screeched and swerved desperately to avoid it. The Doctor clutched the sleigh desperately to try and stay on. And then the Doctor noticed that Santa was slipping. The Doctor grabbed Santa's coat in an attempt to keep him on board. But Santa kept slipping. The Doctor quickly grabbed another handhold... and realised he was clutching Santa's red love heart underwear. The Doctor pulled and Santa slid back into his seat.
"Great. I just gave Santa a wedgie."
The Doctor turned and looked at Santa. Then a bug flew into the Doctor's mouth. The Doctor coughed and spluttered. Santa stirred and woke up.
"Oh that wakes you up." The Doctor wheezed.
Santa looked around.
"All sobered up are we?" asked the Doctor.
"Well I wouldn't get around the entire world in one night if I didn't! Ho ho ho!"
Santa took the reins. The Doctor looked down as they landed.
"With all due respect, I'd like to do this one..." he said.
The Doctor crept through the door and slid up to the tree. He opened the sack and a large parcel flew out, settling under the tree. A bicycle. The Doctor walked out but the paused. He opened the bedroom door and walked up to the little blonde girl lying in bed. He kissed her head.
"Merry Christmas Rose."
"So... same time next year?" Santa laughed heartily.
The Doctor jumped off the sleigh and crunched over the snow to the TARDIS.
"If it's all the same to you... I'll give it a miss."
Santa laughed and shook the reins, taking off into the night. The Doctor smiled and opened the TARDIS doors. It was time to pick up Rose and hopefully Jackie would be in a good mood and wouldn't slap him this time...